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A lot of women say they’re looking for love, but what they’re really doing is looking for a man. And I don’t say that with judgment. Most of us were never taught to separate the two. Having a man was presented as the evidence. The proof. The thing that meant we were chosen, safe, settled, and on track. Love was assumed to come with it. So it makes sense that many women don’t question it. If a man is present, consistent enough, and claims you, it’s easy to call that love witho

I have been thinking a lot about self-love lately, mostly because there is no shortage of content about it online. Everywhere you look, there are reminders to take yourself on dates, book the spa day, buy the thing, romanticize your life. And I’m not knocking any of that. Those things can be enjoyable and regulating. They can even be part of taking care of yourself. They just are not the definition of self-love for me. Because self-love is not only what you do on the surface.

Growing up in a family shaped by addiction is an experience that never fully leaves your body. My mother and most of her siblings struggled with substance use throughout my childhood. Thankfully, they are clean now, deep into their sixties, talking about faith, gratitude, and recovery. And while I’m grateful they’ve found clarity, there is an entire chapter of the story they rarely acknowledge, and when they do, it is limited. They rarely talk about the damage that was done,

Modern Dating, Emotional Maturity & Boundaries Every few months, there’s a new headline telling women how to feel about love. Be excited. Be cautious. Be soft. Be silent. And honestly, I’m tired of the rules. When I read the recent Vogue article asking “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” I didn’t take it as an attack on love. I actually agreed with a lot of it. They spoke to women who are in relationships, women who said they keep things private and don’t feel the need

Trauma after infidelity and betrayal Romantic relationships are built on trust and safety. They are supposed to be the place where we can exhale, let our guard down, and believe we are safe. When that safety is ripped away through betrayal, it’s devastating. The ground shifts. The person you thought you knew suddenly feels like a stranger and everything you once relied on feels like a lie.  Your nervous system reacts as if the world isn’t safe anymore because in many ways, it

Lately, I’ve noticed something interesting in session. No matter who I was sitting across from, no matter what the story or trigger was, I kept saying the same three words: Pause. Process. Practice. At first, it just slipped out as guidance in the moment. But then I saw it land — with clients who felt overpowered by a parent’s criticism, with clients who shut down when their partner didn’t respond how they hoped, with clients who carried old wounds that still throbbed in pres

Lately, I’ve come across quite a few TikToks and IG reels where men claim that women aren’t really single by choice . They say we’re lying. That no woman truly wants to be alone. That deep down, we’re just bitter or broken or waiting for the right man to rescue us. And listen—I laughed at first, but then I realized… this is exactly why this blog needs to exist. Because the truth is: more and more Black and Brown women are  single by choice. Not because we’ve given up on love.

He doesn’t talk. Or when he does, it’s short. Safe. Surface. He says he’s “just private,” but over time, that silence becomes its own kind of wound. You don’t know how he’s feeling. You don’t know what’s on his mind. And if you ask, the answers are brief—“I’m fine.” “It’s nothing.” “I’m good.” But emotional silence in relationships can feel like distance. Like you’re trying to love someone through a wall. And the thing is—he probably wasn’t taught how to talk. Especially if h

Most men weren’t taught how to be emotionally safe—they were taught how to be “a man.” And being “a man” came with rules: don’t cry, don’t be soft, don’t ask for help, don’t show weakness, and definitely don’t act like a girl. It starts early. Research suggests that baby boys may actually cry more than baby girls, but by the time boys are toddlers, the messaging changes. They’re told to toughen up. They receive fewer cuddles, less nurturing, and less emotional room. Girls are

There were moments during my time working in hospitals that I still carry with me. I remember being called in to support discharge planning for an older man who was terminal. He had no visitors. No family at his bedside. When we finally tracked down a number and called a relative, the response was, “You can call when he dies.” That was it. No questions. No tears. No urgency. Just a closed door. At first, I’d feel judgment rise up. How could someone say that? How could they tu

I had a lovely Mother’s Day. I picked up flowers for my mom and dropped them off. I went to see my sister, who made brunch for us—me, my nieces, and nephew. My daughter joined us later, and we went to the mall, did a little shopping, spent time together. By all accounts, it was a good day. And yet, I woke up feeling heavy. Sad. A little off. Moody in a way I couldn’t quite name. It wasn’t until I spoke with a friend and colleague—someone who also carries a mother wound—that i

There are wounds that don’t show up on the skin. Wounds passed down in silence, in absence, in the quiet places where a mother should have been. Or sometimes, in the space where she was—but only in body, not in presence. Not focused. I remember the morning I got my period. I was twelve. The night before, when I wiped and saw a speck of blood, I was sure I was dying. Cancer, I told myself. That had to be it. I was scared but didn’t say anything—like most things back then. By

I sat across from a teenage patient today as she bravely peeled back the layers of her guarded heart. She told me about her mom—how people see her as sweet, warm, even lovable. Her siblings have a great connection with her. And among her cousins, her mom is the favorite aunt—the one everyone adores. But for my patient, that warmth doesn’t translate. She struggles to feel close to her mother. There’s a wall between them—invisible, but undeniable. And as she shared her story, h

What do you do when everything around you is blooming, but your heart still feels like winter? April brings the energy of new beginnings—flowers stretch open, the sun lingers a little longer, and the air feels lighter. But if you’re healing from heartbreak or betrayal, this season can feel like a cruel contrast. While the world pushes forward with celebration and fresh starts, you may find yourself quietly grieving, caught between what was and what you hoped would be. Betraya

Vulnerability is the bridge to intimacy. It is the moment we stand emotionally exposed, offering our truest selves to another. But the terrifying truth is this: we never know what another person will do with our vulnerability. They may hold it sacred, treating it with the gentleness and care it deserves, meet us in our tenderness. Or they can dismiss it, weaponize it, and leave us retreating behind walls we swore we’d never build again. That’s what makes vulnerability feel li

Emotional Permanence: The Fear That Love Disappears When They Do When I first heard emotional permanence , it immediately clicked. I remembered learning about object permanence  in an early psychology class—how babies cry when an object can no longer be seen. That’s why they lose their little minds during peekaboo—when you cover your face, they truly believe you’ve vanished. Turns out, emotions can feel the same way, and that realization explained so much about my own experie

Many people are starting to talk about the Mother Wound as it has become more familiar, but there is a depth to this conversation you have yet to receive. When we are born we are plopped into this existence and that moment, and the way we are mothered from that moment on,  is the birthplace of our emotional self. This “emotional self” is how we relate to others. This is the backdrop to how we later show up in relationships whether those are romantic, parenting, or professiona

We all know that if we want to live a healthy lifestyle we must exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet. Everywhere we look, wellness tips vary from "eat an apple a day" to "walk 10,000 steps" to "make sure you're drinking enough water". Yes, diet and exercise are essential to our well being, but just as important, if not arguably more important, is our mental health. Here are just a few reasons to consider therapy: 1. THERAPY CAN BOOST YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH Our mental and

The coronavirus is at the front of everyone's mind in some way or another. We have all been impacted. Schools, workplaces and public spaces are closed. Our routines have changed drastically and the world has become a strange place. Times are tough to say the absolute least.  So, how are you? Have you had a moment to truly check in with yourself? How do you feel?  Often we think because we are still in motion, still taking care of responsibilities, that we are okay but getting

Being single is not the worse thing that could happen to you this holiday season. Being with someone and feeling like you’re alone…...