Pause. Process. Practice.

Lately, I’ve noticed something interesting in session. No matter who I was sitting across from, no matter what the story or trigger was, I kept saying the same three words: Pause. Process. Practice.

At first, it just slipped out as guidance in the moment. But then I saw it land — with clients who felt overpowered by a parent’s criticism, with clients who shut down when their partner didn’t respond how they hoped, with clients who carried old wounds that still throbbed in present-day conflicts. Again and again, those three words seemed to offer just enough space to shift something. So I decided to share it here.

Pause

In the heat of the moment, when your chest tightens, your thoughts speed up, or your voice wants to rise — stop. Breathe. Remember: you don’t have to react right away. A pause is not weakness. It’s strength. It’s giving your nervous system a chance to catch up with your heart.

Process

Then ask yourself: What am I actually feeling right now? Is this about the moment in front of me — or is it brushing against something older, deeper? Often, our most reactive moments are really echoes of an old wound. Naming what’s happening inside (“I feel dismissed,” “I feel unheard,” “I feel small”) softens the grip the moment has on you.

Practice

Finally, choose what you want to practice. Maybe it’s patience. Maybe it’s compassion for yourself. Maybe it’s using your voice calmly instead of shutting down. Maybe it’s simply walking away without letting it become a storm. Each moment of reactivity is also an opportunity to rehearse the person you’re becoming.

A Gentle Invitation

Think of a time this week when you felt reactive. What would have shifted if you had paused, processed, and then practiced a new response?

Every pause is a doorway back to yourself. Every pause is a chance to practice the life — and the relationships — you want to build.

This little tool was born in therapy sessions, but it’s quickly become one of my favorites. And now, it’s yours too. Lord knows, I need it just as much as the next person.